My cricket Team- Part II

I dont know if there will be more parts to this, but i will write till i have had my fill.
Talking more about infrastructure, the idea would be to have a facility which is atleast at par with the BCCI. Whatever can be done better would be done better. I am talking as if i am sitting on a pair of bags filled with the green.
Now why would a talented guy who has aspirations to play for the Indian cricket team play for a team that I build? He won't, atleast initially. The idea would be to start small, district level. Then compete with the private companies who have their teams like the INdian AIrlines etc. Now if you pay better than the indian airlines, you can get good players to play for you right? yeah but that would not be it.
The right guys to play for a team would be guys just out of college, who played at a competitive level, are either playing ranji or for some private clubs.Have a tryout and give them a contract to play for the team. Tell them here is what you are going to get
1. Full fledged training, that includes a heavy dose of boot camp style physical conditioning along with good nutrition to whip your sorry ass in shape.
2. A decent salary, so you can make a living doing this till you are performing at a desired level
3. The contract can/will be terminated if the player is not found performing at the desired level.
4. A month of vacation every year.
5. 11 months of daily training, or playing circket. Sundays included, but may get a weekday off.
Treat these players like a company would treat its employees, Invest in them and expect damn good results.
When we work for a pvt company, we work either because we love our job for whatever asnine reason or we work cause we are scare of loosing the job. There are other reasons like "To make the world a better place but this is not Miss Universe".
Give the players one of the above two reasons.
Now, get these players in and coach them. The coach will be the most important person in this organization, heavily paid but with a damn sword hanging over his neck. Couple of bad seasons and the door is yours to take. What will this do? Well first of all keep him from playing fav which a lot of the coaches do. So he would be treated like a professional.His Full time job would be to get players ready for the game. When we work.. we work 5-6 day a week, same thing this coach would do and so will the players.
The team- Not one team- Two teams. One would be a back up team from which players would be substituted to the first playing eleven if the coach so desires. Yeah the wining combination would be kept, but as soon as a player starts to dip, he would be relegated to the pratice squad and a fresh talent brought in.
Benefits like life insurance, injury insurance etc would be part of the player contract.
After testing waters at the district level, move up to the state level. Organize informal matches with the state team of lets say U.P. How do you entice them, with greens man. Get them to visit the damn cool stadium. Let them have a look. What will this do? Lure some players to walk on the team during the next tryouts.
The plan should be to get a ranji level team in 5-6 years. The guys in the team should be athletes first and bowlers, batsmen later. Any guy who cant field and is slow on the field should be told to sit out till he improves his fitness to an expected level.The strength and conditioning coach will come into the picture here. I know cricket does not require to be really fit but that was the last century. Sachin tendulkar is damn fit for his age. He runs fast between the wickets, fields well and is overall a good athlete. Who else do you wanna know? How about Brett Lee, the guy is damn good athlete.. look at the way he moves on the field. Two people at the top of their game who show the importance of being a good athlete.
Now coaching these Killers. Thats a name for the team for starters.
No one coach- Three main coaches- One for batting, One for fielding, One for bowling. Its time the specialists train the players for a particular part of the game. Who should be the head coach? One of these guys and should be appointed by the management. The other guys should agree to work with him. ON second thought, have one head coach and ask him to get his own guys for these jobs, but have a specialist fielding coach for sure. Can one of the indian ex-test players coach in this style? No i think most of them have a typical "chalta hai" attitude and wouldnt fit the bill when it came to this style of fast paced-in your face style of coaching.
The team- Specialist team only- Just for one dayers. So from day one the players are focussed towards making as many runs as possible and getting as many wickets for as little runs as possible. Performance at a high energy level in any game. I know the purists will say, you need test cricket to sound out your technique and i say Kiss My A$$ and go make your own team
Next time the business angle of such a team.

My Cricket Team

With the recent controversy between Ganguly bhaiya and Chappell hogging the newspaper headlines, Indian cricket teams performance has taken a back seat. I know they won outside the subcontinent after 17 years and shit like that. Big whoop! they beat a team which would have struggled against a gully cricket team. After performacne against such team(bangladesh included) indian players come back with their egos infalted and heads held high.
I was thinking about this and I am sick of supporting a underachieving bunch of losers who fail at every big match and struggle against opponents of equal stature. If I had a few million dollars, I would do this..
Create my own cricket club and get the best damn players to play for that club. That means players from the indian team hell no.. some of them are good but most of them are as good as a lot of Ranji players.
How to build a team which would beat the crap out of the BCCI's bunch of losers.
First build a huge bloody stadium, not in a metro as that would cost a lot, but in a place that has good weather through most of the year.
What should the stadium have?
A capacity of around 50000 to begin with- It wont fill immediately but it will later on.
1.World class press box
2.A huge and damn good gym.
3. 5 to six net practice(Covered so the team can practice in any weather)
4. A resident physio, a team of damn good physical trainers who will kick the collective ass of all the players who sign up for the club
5. A film room, where the players and coaches can watch film of matches and do post and pre match analysis.
This is the minimum infrastructure.
The second part will come tomorrow.
Its about time someone started a rival team to push these loosers to their limits and beat the shit out them.

Idiots Guide to Dancing at a Party

The following guide is for people

1. Who think the chicken dance is the most complicated dance ever and they are the masters of it and recently realized it is not and now dont know what to do when they go dancing.
2. For people with two left feet and also have a lot of friends who like to shake it, while they stand in one corner sipping drinks or making small talk with weird strangers.
3. For people who are just plain shy but still want to be with their group on the dance floor.

There are three rules before you enter the dance floor. Location,Location,Location. Never ever choose a place in the middle of the dance floor, you know it that people are gonna give you that "eeks" look and move away(unless you look like Brad Pitt) or you will be the butt of endless jokes among your friends. So where should you stand- Preferably a corner, where there are not too many people in the vicinity.
If the dance floor lights moves and stops on you momentarily, you are being exposed(not to mention scaring some people with those "rythmic" expressions on your face)
If you are with a big group, move around a little bit, people forget things that are not exposed to them for a long time.
Learn couple of steps of Bhangra. Now that has to be the easiest dance made 'cos it was invented by the sardars and it couldnt have been too complicated. Use these steps as often as possible specially when you find yourself in the spotlight. Like when people form a circle and one by one they come to the center and show off couple of their funky moves. Reply back! with the bhangra!
Another move on the dance floor- the Kangaroo jump. Use this for songs which are fast and for which your bhangra moves are little slow. Jump with one hand in the air, a move specially made for songs from movies like Dil chahata hai.
The train- When you get people around in a chain and just move around the dance floor, knocking people over, always a fun, annoying group activity and the only move required is simple running.

If you are really... really shy then get a drink(with some alcohol), it will relax you. If you dont drink, then you are hanging out with the wrong people, at a wrong place.

Do not resort to the chicken dance, save it for the marriages. Nobody cares at such events.

Disclaimer- This will not transform you into a dancing Michael Jackson(for that you need 30 plastic surgeries and a plastic nose) but it will help you to shake a leg on the dance floor with your friends and be cool about it.

If you are with a girl and it is a date and you are trying to impress the girl, then let me just say, you should think of plan B 'cos this one is not ending up at either of the houses, unless she is into kangaroos.
Use as directed, void where prohibited and may cause bodily injury. Works for desi parties only.